Good morning everyone!
On our annual Thanksgiving reunion, this is a sunrise snapshot of Tenkiller lake near Muskogee, Oklahoma, near where Nola’s family has gathered for many years. On that morning walk, I was thinking about how I could best share this update with you.
Good morning everyone!
I hope you had a happy Thanksgiving! We sure did. One of the things I'm grateful for is that I am reconnecting with Jesus. For much of this past year, I've been more hit and miss in regards to investing intentional time with God. For a while I attributed it to this year's messy reconstruction of our house. I assumed that after the project I would snap back out of it and resume as if nothing happened. But for months I did not.
Then, in the early part of October, I stopped to reflect on the past year of mission projects. In reviewing that, I was overwhelmed by God's grace. In a year when I was in a spiritual slump, God had blessed us way beyond what we deserved.
As I reflected on God’s grace toward me, it became clear when my slump started.
Steve’s Confession
A couple of years ago, I was asked to do a memorial service for some old friends. During the message, I shared the gospel and invited people to pray and receive Christ. I should have stopped there. I went on for way too much time to share a recent mission experience that took the focus off of the family and put it on my missionary work. After sitting down, I thought, "Why did I do that?" But what was done was done.
Later, I texted the family a quick note of gratitude for a generous honorarium. I considered apologizing for taking too much time at the end, but I felt like that would distract from my note of appreciation.
A day or two later, I received a text from the family telling me that they were offended by the additional story. Those words stabbed me. They were right. My story was about me and was unnecessary. I immediately drafted a long text of apology. After a few more days of texting, I received one last text that my apology was acceptable. They added that they hoped that I had learned something and would not do this to anyone else in the future.
The Destructive Power of Shame
The net effect on me was a big case of shame. I felt humiliated. I had failed God and this family in a very public way.
David, in one of his Psalms said,
Before I confessed my sins, my bones felt limp, and I groaned all day long. Night and day your hand weighed heavily on me, and my strength was gone as in the summer heat. Psalm 32:2-3 CEV
I think that describes what happened to me. Anytime I thought about what I did, I ached with regret. I held it in. I didn't want to talk about it. Many times the memory caused me to groan out loud.
Looking back now, my shame caused me to close off a big part of myself and hide from God. Whenever I got anywhere close to shame, I avoided the thought. Because of that, even though there were times I went through the motions reading my Bible and praying, my heart remained closed off in this area that I was ashamed of.
Rescued by Gratitude
But let's get back to the gratitude. Since the realization that God's blessings have been way beyond what I deserve, I have had a renewed desire to get back into the game--not to prove anything or earn anything, but to enjoy a second chance with Jesus out of a true spirit of thanksgiving for all He has done.
Join Us to Connect Daily with Jesus in 2025
As I am writing this, I am about a week into re-engaging in this daily conversation with Jesus in written form. With this momentum, I am looking to have a month-by-month plan ready for being consistent in 2025. Maybe you would too?
If so, please consider joining me in making daily life-giving conversations with Jesus a priority. More details about this invitation will follow in the next update.
Thanks for your grace and mercy toward me and your continued prayers. God is good!
Love y'all.
Steve